March 21, 2004

  • Okay, let’s try this again. If xTools screws this one up, I hope it’s prepared to withstand a tug-of-war between a rancor and a Balrog.


    Monday – travel day. Left the house early in the afternoon. Of course Monday was the only day of the week that had anything resembling sunshine, and I was sitting in the truck at 65 mph for a good three or four hours bound for Connecticut. Needless to say, I got to New London/Groton only to discover that the Submarine Force Museum isn’t open on Tuesdays. Mr. Murphy must be invisibly bumming a ride in the back of the truck…


    Tuesday – Submarine museum is a no-go, so I do Mystic Seaport instead. Being on board some of those 200-year-old sailing ships is like being in a Virginia coal mine, making me suddenly and coldly aware of the phrase “put your back into it.” I attend a seaman’s-song performance, hoping tensely for “Barrett’s Privateers”, but alas, the singer doesn’t know that one any better than I do…ah well. Now all of a sudden, just when I’m starting to enjoy myself, it starts to snow. Museum closes three hours early.


    Backup plan: Mystic Aquarium.


    Backup plan, implemented: aquarium closed two hours ago due to weather.


    Does the entire state of Connecticut shut down on account of a few lousy flakes? (Not that the flakes were few, mind you - it was a well-weighted blizzard by the time I returned to the hotel…)


    Wednesday – Submarine Force Museum at last. Toured the museum, toured the Nautilus, and attended a long, earsoring lecture by a retired admiral who likely stood pretty close to the bottom of his public-speaking class. At least one can force oneself to look halfway interested in these things. Rest of day: travel to Fall River, MA.


    Thursday – Battleship Cove! Seven hours traipsing through every accessible foot of every vessel on display. This time, I really paid close attention to the surroundings and got plenty of pictures of the interior of the Lionfish. No greater reference for submariner stories of the future…Aaaand Thursday night, 6:30 was da bomb. Roseanna, you weren’t kiddin’ about Lazer Gate! Too bad Fall River is such a hike from Boston, or that would be an ideal meet.


    Friday – Drove up to the Boston area, parked at Alewife, and then headed into town via the Red Line. Scouted out possible meet locations and now have a nice long list in the making – should see the Rebels well into next year. After that…have you ever had one of those days when there was absolutely nothing you really wanted to do, so you just rode every single mile of the nearest rapid-transit system? Well, that’s what I did for the rest of the day. In case you ever wondered, a complete round trip of every operational mile of the Boston subway will take upwards of 9.5 hours. (Possibly more during rush hour, as this is Beantown we’re talking about…)


    You know, in the seven hours it took me to peruse Battleship Cove on Thursday, I would often stop, sit down or lean against a bulkhead and think about what happened at that exact spot fifty or sixty years ago.


    March 18, 1944 or 1954, at varying times of day. 


    Was a Chief Petty Officer standing here yelling at running sailors? Were they having chow? Sharing pictures of their girls? Rushing past on their way to battle stations? Were they wincing, trying to keep their balance as the Massachusetts shook the entire ocean with gunfire? Were they tightly gripping bunk rails, their tension at an all-time high as the Lionfish squared off against an enemy submarine?


    It gave me the shivers, it did, to stand in the Lionfish‘s control room and listen to the simulated sonar pings wafting from the speaker overhead. How close was the heat? How close were the other bodies, breathing heavily and gulping as they awaited the torrents of terror? Were they muttering to themselves or joking nervously to stave off the fear? How fast did it flow when the chips and the depth charges were down?


    Of course the Lionfish was never depth-charged, but watching “Das Boot” in one sitting makes one numbingly aware of these things.


    It boggles the mind to think of what these people – submariners, destroyermen, battleship sailors, PT boaters all - went through to protect our borders. It breaks the heart to witness the irreverence of young people traipsing through the vessel, pissing and moaning about how they’d never want to live like this and making all sorts of snide remarks about the work that had to be done to keep the ship in operation.


    Well, gang, these ships and their crews were fortunate to stay in operation long enough that said ships could survive as museums, memorials to their comrades who weren’t as fortunate. Challenge yourself – go to a military museum some time, find a place to stand, and imagine what was happening at that exact spot sixty years ago. See what happens to your perspective.

March 20, 2004

  • Mother Nature is SO giving us the finger. For as I sit here blogging, here at the very end of the first day of spring, an impenetrable wall of white stuff is currently hurtling down upon us and is already halfway up the hubcaps. Make that three weeks in a row that I probably won’t make it to church.

    Happy to be home. Wondering where everybody is. Uploaded a new profile pic.

    Still not King.

  • *SNARL* Wouldn’tcha know it, I had an entire summary of this past week all typed out and ready to go, and then the fucking xTools decided that it WOULDN’T EVEN POST!!!!!



    So I guess while repairing the damage, I’ll just leave you with the latest creation…at least try and enjoy it…. *sigh*


    ARDA ONLINE, PART 6: The Return of the IM Window


    RingKing2000: how’s it going?


    DurinsBane2187: uhg, don’t ask…I’ve only got a couple of minutes


    RingKing2000: oh what happened?


    DurinsBane2187: Gandalf is so freakin’ arrogant


    RingKing2000: heh yeah i could’ve told you that after a few minutes of mountain survival training with him


    DurinsBane2187: you ever have to live with him after a three-mile fall from a busted bridge??


    RingKing2000: no


    RingKing2000: but i know what you mean…gandalf *really* got his big misshapen nose out of joint once, when he had to pay $16.50 to cross over helcaraxĂ«


    DurinsBane2187: pfft…I’ve got a bridge in Beleriand I want to show him


    RingKing2000: lol


    DurinsBane2187: I mean, it’s only a matter of time now before he follows my phone line down here, goes “YOU SHALL NOT CHAT!” and splits the line with that butt-ugly staff of his


    RingKing2000: damn he’s gettin’ postal in his old age


    DurinsBane2187: yeah really


    DurinsBane2187: like he didn’t make enough of a mess trying to beat me in the 100-meter freestyle at the bottom of the abyss


    RingKing2000: that must’ve been fun


    RingKing2000: those wings prolly came in handy, eh?


    DurinsBane2187: *snicker*


    RingKing2000: oh yeah i forgot…nobody’s ever sure if Balrogs have wings or not


    RingKing2000: there i remembered the capital B


    DurinsBane2187: yeah thanks


    DurinsBane2187: but it ain’t that


    DurinsBane2187: gotta love Peter Jackson though…at least he gave us *something* to go on


    RingKing2000: heh heh, we all know he loves to change things though


    DurinsBane2187: yeah…still wish he would’ve shot the part where I gave Gandalf a swirlie


    RingKing2000: you WHAT?!?


    DurinsBane2187: oh sure now you’re using caps


    RingKing2000: that’s what the caps lock is for, lava breath


    DurinsBane2187: harrumph


    DurinsBane2187: well then there’s the part where Gandalf used cold water to try and start an avalanche on me, and buried himself instead


    RingKing2000: sheesh…grumpy old maiar


    DurinsBane2187: you better believe it


    DurinsBane2187: crap…he just tripped that bucket of cold water I rigged on top of my front door


    RingKing2000: man he’s gonna be madder than a wet uruk hai


    DurinsBane2187: I gotta go


    RingKing2000: k…have fun!


    DurinsBane2187 signed off at 6:33:40 AM.


    BlizzardWizard1138: I THOUGHT that was you


    BlizzardWizard1138: how the hell are you typing??


    RingKing2000: long story…ask the balrog while he’s roasting you alive


    BlizzardWizard1138: after he roasts YOU for not using a capital B


    RingKing2000: no wonder you guys are fighting, you think exactly alike


    BlizzardWizard1138: whatevah


    BlizzardWizard1138: I’m off, so don’t turn your retina and don’t go to sleep, ‘coz YOU’RE NEXT


    Auto response from RingKing2000: keepin’ an eye on things


    BlizzardWizard1138: omg my sides are soooo busting right now [/sarcastic]


    BlizzardWizard1138 signed off at 6:45:19 AM.

March 14, 2004

  • I can’t imagine how you feel
    And this is how I feel
    You say your name like you’re no longer
    Convinced, but now they’re strappin’ you in
    And closin’ the lid
    And they’re droppin’ you in, what’s done you did
    The barrel’s pickin’ up speed
    There’s water leakin’ in
    That old equilibrium just starts to spin and spin


    Do you like to be judged or liked?
    Do you like it inside a barrel
    Plungin’ over the falls?
    Curious and grim, we wrestle at the rim
    We wonder all about him and the point of it all


    I’ll be short and brief and to the point
    The fighting has resumed
    In that tone of voice
    The plague is exhumed
    He said, “What I’m goin’ through is essentially all true
    Made no less amazing by the fact that it’s see-through”


    You like to be judged or liked
    And you like it inside a barrel
    Plungin’ over the falls
    Strong and green and dim, it wrestled him like nothin’
    Out, out, out, and into the thrill of ‘em all


    And the real wonder of the world is that we don’t jump, too
    And the real wonder of the world is that we don’t jump, too
    And the real wonder of the world is that we don’t jump, too


    **********
    God, am I glad that’s over.


    Boston on a Sunday is halfway decent, I’ll give it that. Of course I did have to go around the mulberry bush to get to the airport, but at least I didn’t have to go trouncing through any Jersey barriers in a last-ditch effort to get to where I wanted to go. Note to self: go easy on D63 in the future. Poor bus has been the unwitting victim of my desperation to get the hell out of Boston and get home the last couple of days.


    Russians are far more kind and gregarious people than most of us bloody Yanks give them credit for. In parting, they gifted me with an icon cloth – ya know, a very beautifully designed linen that they drape over religious icons. That was a load off my mind, considering how stressful this week has been, straining my mind, arms and right leg trying to do the best possible job and impress the company. But ya know what, it’s over and done with and I’m happy as a clam, because on the morrow I embark on a week-long, relaxing road trip.


    Now I know what you’re probably thinking: “How the hell can more driving be relaxing?” Well, I’ll tell you: Southern New England is my aim, historical sites are my game. There’s a wealth of military museums down there (not to mention Laser Quest in Fall River, MA).  Then make my way back north, spend a day in Boston – NOT DRIVING, MIND YOU – and be home in time for the New York City trips next week. So yeah, constantly on the go for the next 336 hours or thereabouts. Should I invest in a laptop? Not a chance. Getting the hell away from this computer might be better than you’d think. Besides, laptops are just one more article of excess baggage for us Rangers.


    Ah, Jen, dear Jen. (Not the Perfect Little Princess, mind – a different Jen, whom I actually wish I could talk to once in a blue moon). I don’t know what to say or do anymore, kiddo. Our paths never cross on IM these days, so the blog is the next best thing – and what can I say to all this? Only one thing I can think of that will mean anything. You cannot, repeat, not go through life believing that everybody’s right except you. You’ll go miserable trying to please everybody else, and they who try to please everybody please nobody. Sometimes you’re wrong, yes, but not always. The last person who tried to act like I was always wrong and she was always right, she’ll have a couple of loose front teeth if she does it again. People like that need to meet their match in stubbornness sooner or later. If you know you can prove them wrong, by all means do it, don’t let them walk all over you!


    *breathes*


    As I say, if you’re wrong, you’re wrong, and if you’re right, there’s always proof. It’s up to you to find it, whether it be on your own or with a friend’s help.

  • ERRGGGHHHH!!! BOSTON!!!!


    Dear good Lord, why can’t this week just be OVER??


    Wouldn’tcha know it, everything was just ginger-peachy for the first half of the day. Dropped my group at the hotel across from Quincy Market, met Tony, gave him a ride to the Prudential, and then we both went together to the Rebels meet at Borders. I’ve always wanted to get paid to go to a Rebels meet, and today was the day for it. Lunch at Cheers, then some poker, then some War, some Star Wars Trivial Pursuit and other various and sundry card games, till 5:00 when I had to head back to pick up my group. Here’s where the fun begins.


    Their dinner destination was Bombay Club at Harvard Square. Getting up there was no picnic, but I made it, dropped them off, and promptly got the bum’s rush from a grouchy Cambridge cop. Now here it is, the stroke of midnight and I just finished eating dinner because I didn’t get any – instead I just drove aimlessly around the city for an hour and a half trying to find a place to park. Failed miserably, I might add. Wound up all the way up in Arlington before I finally got turned around and headed back into town. Cambridge is even less bus-friendly than Boston proper.


    Always has it escaped me why I can’t just drop everybody off at a T stop and let ‘em take the subway wherever they need to go!


    Never fails to confound me why driving from one end of Boston to the other has to be rendered absolutely IMPOSSIBLE on a daily basis!


    Chief problem with Boston is this: almost all the streets are one-way, and no matter where you’re trying to go, they always run in the opposite direction from the one you want to go in. Always. That’s not to get into the driving, however, which makes me just want to go barrelling north on Congress Street ramming every Mass-hole on the thoroughfare outta my way! Taste of their own medicine, that’s what they need! Whoever designed the street layout of Boston should be condemned to spend eternity navigating his own infernal invention – in a Mini!


    Yeah, Boston = teh suck.

March 12, 2004

  • He said, “I’m fabulously rich
    Come on, just let’s go”
    She kinda bit her lip
    “Geez, I dunno”
    But I can guarantee
    There’ll be no knock on the door
    I’m total pro
    That’s what I’m here for


    I come from downtown
    Born ready for you
    Armed with will and determination
    And grace, too


    The secret rules of engagement
    Are hard to endorse
    When the appearance of conflict
    Meets the appearance of force
    But I can guarantee
    There’ll be no knock on the door
    I’m total pro here
    That’s what I’m here for


    I come from downtown
    Born ready for you
    Armed with skill and its frustrations
    And grace, too


    Ugh, I never should have taken this assignment. It’s been one headache after another. Literally.


    When the bosses asked me to take this job – driving a company of Russian delegates on a tour of emergency response centers around New Hampshire – they told me how important it was and they told me the level of people I’d be dealing with. These people are Russian military officers, councilors, ministers, doctors, and others of a more than prestigious nature. Dash it all, I should have told the bosses that with a job this big, they could rest assured that I’d screw it up.


    Which is exactly what I did.


    I mean, for the most part, it hasn’t gone that badly. We’ve gotten everywhere on time, I haven’t gotten in any accidents or traffic stops (yet), I haven’t had to skew off the road trying to wrench away from some Mass-hole who’s about to broadside me, and the courtesy and politeness and respect has thus far been mutual. We’ve had a grand tour of the State House and taken in a nice, satisfying hockey game. On the other hand, however, I have taken at least two wrong turns that I can recall, have had to park the bus a good half a mile away from their destination, and pulled a real kicker yesterday: bumped into an old high-school buddy and stopped to talk for a minute, but then the American hosts urged me onward. Stupid, right? And now there’s still three days left – what else can I do wrong?


    That’s not to get into Tuesday night, when I stayed over at the hotel and took part in social hour. Not wanting to seem rude, I knocked back a few shots of vodka with them (this, mind you, was well over the legal time limit for consuming alcohol before I went back on duty). Before I knew it, ZAWNK. I was weaving back to my room to sleep it off, and spent all of Wednesday feeling like I was going to hurl any second. Thank God that didn’t happen.


    Soooo, at the moment I am suffering from copious amounts of stress over the last 72 hours, and as of this morning the two-day headache has progressed down to my stomach. The only thing I have to look forward to in the next 72 hours is a FanForce meeting on the morrow, provided the group doesn’t change their schedule again and prevent me from attending… *sigh* Spring break, spring break, I love you spring break, you’re only….Gawd, four days away yet. Well, maybe I’ll go throttle that dumbass noisy dog across the street to try and relieve some of the stress before tonight.

March 9, 2004

  • I see lines of blue…movies of colour…hundreds of fishies ranging from brighter to growing duller…and I think to myself, what a wonderful weekend.


    Which is precisely what it was – and a surefire reason why I haven’t blogged in so damn long. Want a blow-by-blow? No? Too bad.


    Saturday, 9:45 AM: I roll over and look at the clock. Dammit to hell, I’ve still got another three hours before I take off for a much-anticipated trip that’s been in the works for more than two weeks. I drag my posterior out of bed and set about inhaling a good pint of coffee, then wrapping up a story that I haven’t finished in almost a year and four months.


    12:30 PM: Parental units are gone. Coffee is also gone. Story has made all possible progress. It’s time to sneak out the back door with only a few bucks, the clothes on my back, and my knife and keys, slither into the truck and go tip-tiring out onto the road.


    1:00 PM: Having blown almost half my remaining turnpike tokens on the Hampton tolls, I clear into Massachusetts and engage the Sebulba act. First Mass-hole who tries to cut me off is gonna get the full Monty – Dug curses and repeated broadsides until he’s taking a nice, refreshing dip in the Merrimack.


    1:45 PM: I’m on US 1 south when I see a three-car accident in the northbound lane. No wonder Geico isn’t available in New Jersey or Massachusetts – those are the two states where they’ll have to disburse the most money. “Massachusetts Welcomes You,” indeed.


    1:55 PM: Two-day pass at Wonderland. I pray that nothing’s going to happen to the truck overnight, because in a sketchy town like Revere…*shudders*


    2:00 PM: I jump on the Blue Line train with less than a minute to spare. Go me!


    2:15 PM: Curse the Blue Line’s shortness – I’m 45 minutes early. So I just engage in my usual Boston time-killer of hanging around on the T. (Those of you not from New England, the T is the more common handle of the venerable Boston subway. ;) ) I amble leisurely up to the Green Line at Gov’t Center, flaff down to the Red Line at Park Street, soft-shoe over to the Orange Line at Downtown Crossing, and then nip on back to the Blue Line at State Street. Are we having fun yet?


    2:45 PM: Good enough. I head back to the aquarium stop, go on topside, and look at the ticket line. Crap. Perfect day to visit the aquarium. I immerse myself in the soresole patience of waiting for Roseanna.


    3:12 PM: Roseanna calls to let me know she’s coming up from the T stop. Apparently her meeting ran late.


    3:15 PM: She’s heeeeere…Whatever you do, I tell her, do not worry about it. Fifteen minutes is a refreshingly short wait, esp. after the number of times I’ve had to wait a half hour or more for a group to get on the bus. Up we go to the ticket line – only to discover that the price has been jacked up $2.75 since the last time I was here.


    Ehh. At least the ticket line’s not even a fifth as long as it was earlier.


    3:30 PM: We embark on some scenery-chewing, taking in penguins playing airplane underwater, some big-ass grouper sitting around doing nothing, an anaconda the size of an 80-year-old maple tree, crawley starfish, an uncanny simulation of a Pacific tidal pool, several stringy little jellyfish, and a couple thousand gallons of other enrapturing sea life. (I must hope to God that Roseanna’s enjoying herself and I’m not boring her to tears…) At the central tank, we learn everything we ever wanted to know about tiger sharks, loggerheads, sea turtles, needlefish, and undersea vegetarianism but were afraid to ask.


    6:00 PM: Time to hit it. Brief visit to the gift shop before we hightail it up to MIT.


    6:35 PM (or thereabouts): One thing I like about the Red Line is that it really is a subway line, it barely ever travels above ground. (As far as I can remember from childhood, that is…) Dinner bell rings at India Pavilion. Courtesy of my lovely companion, I shake hands with an Indian dish for the first time. And whaddya know – it is some hella-good stuff! I was half afraid of being sick for half the night, but no indeed. This bears another bank-breaker some time in the future. The only thing better than a new experience is someone to share a new experience with.


    7:45 PM: Conversation has twisted and turned hither and yon, from Boston Rebels business to Boston Rebels themselves to matters of the heart, which thankfully didn’t last long. ‘Nuff said.


    8:00 PM: We repair to Roseanna’s dorm via Stah Mahket to pick up some munchies.


    8:20 PM: It is brought home to me that anybody who sets foot in Roseanna’s room and asks her if she’s a Star Wars fan is asking to get smacked upside the head.


    9:00 PM: After a whirlwind of conversation and poring over Roseanna’s card stash, we settle down to watch Moulin Rouge. Yes. No. I have never seen Moulin Rouge before. You may thwack me now. Then fall down and kiss Roseanna’s feet for inviting me down to see it in the first place. In the first few scenes, I think it’s so anachronistic that it’s hilarious – but it works quite well to draw the audience in right at the beginning and hold their attention for the rest of the story.


    And what a story. I only wish I could agree with some of the views on…you know what.


    11:00 PM: Since it came up in idle conversation, we decide to watch the DS9 episode “Trials and Tribble-ations.” We both suffer from certain deprivations, apparently: I’ve never seen Moulin Rouge, Roseanna has never watched the original Star Trek.  Remind me to bring a few videos next time…


    12:30 AM: The Sandman is beating both of us up with one hand tied behind his back, and we succumb. Zzzzzz…


    Sunday, 6:30 AM: I wake up, and as we’ve still an hour before either of us needs to go anywhere, I toss about a little bit and start daydreaming. Stories. Writing. Characters. Star Wars. LOTR. JC. Val. Feedback. Deprivation. Frustration. Blogging. Xanga. All you dear wonderful people whose blogs I haven’t read in almost a freaking week for whatever reason. Rebels. Meets. CR election. What the hell was I going to say to Roseanna last night before bedtime?


    7:30 AM: The alarm goes off.


    8:30 AM: I find it strangely invigourating to watch Roseanna milling about squaring away the incalculable tonnage of paper in the bottom of her closet. Think think think…She’s afraid she’s boring me to tears, but no sweat. That makes two of us.


    9:50 AM: Paradox! I want to go home and finish some stuff up, but I’d just as soon stay here and chill with Roseanna and other local friendlings…argh. Let’s see if I can make it halfway to church.


    10:30 AM: Red Line ride to Park Street was prompt enough, but damn that Green-E Line…so much for making it to church on time…Homeness. And it still takes the better part of half an hour to make it back to the Blue Line. Grr.


    11:30 AM: The truck’s still at Wonderland, all tires are fully inflated, all windows are intact and it’s not missing anything. Yay God.


    1:10 PM: Yay home. I pull in some laundry, pop online and let Roseanna know I’m back safely. Then I promptly start cooking up some props ‘n’ thoughts ‘n’ ideas for the April meet…hmm…we haven’t done Hahvad yet…hrm…think think think…


    Tuesday, 12:30 AM: zzzzzzzzzzzz………

March 2, 2004

  • If you’ve read the entry that was originally here, disregard it – it was damned hypocritical and I’m going to go dent my head if it happens again.


    Actually, I’m probably going to dent my head anyway if I keep getting waylaid by snooty, upper-class people who won’t hesitate to bip me in the side of the head because I don’t pick up on some things as quickly or easily as they do!! It is as if they have made it their mission in life to purge the gene pool of EVERYBODY who is not as SMART AS THEY ARE!!! There is an ELEMENT of HUMANITY to be found here, people, NOBODY IS PERFECT AND THAT INCLUDES YOU!!!!!



    Am I coming across with Unmistakably Perfect Clarity? Or does the only clarity you have come from within? What do you think’s going to happen a few years down the pike, when you piss off somebody who’s not taking this shit as easily as you’d like them to? When that somebody is going to summon the lifeguard to tell you to vacate the gene pool? Hmmm?


    When are you thinking of disappearing
    when are you falling off the map?
    When the unknown that you’re fearing’s in the clearing
    when your world’s gone flat?
    When you’re waiting for your life to be depicted
    and feeling estrangement from escape
    when you’re packaged up, beautifully scripted
    insulated with electrical tape?
    When the famous are getting airborne
    and the evacuation’s underway
    and not for all the pot in Rosedale
    could you possibly get them to stay?
    When a blind eye turns to duty
    when I’m standing there holding the door
    saying things like after you, wit before beauty
    and okay, maybe there’s room for just one more?
    When technology fails, forever changes
    and hardcore shadows are gone
    when what the average age rearranges
    is forever certain, forever wrong?
    When new adventures in electronics
    are making signals pleasing to the ear?
    When tubes are cooking up distortion
    meaning the end of suffering is near?
    When the podium’s sprouting weeds
    rendered ridiculous by the times
    when people have different needs
    and time smiles on disciplined minds?
    When you’re getting king-sized satisfaction
    in the turnstiles of the night
    from all the shaky pale transactions
    and all the heartache in your social life?
    When are you thinking of disappearing
    when there’s nothing but heartache in your social life?
    When are you thinking of disappearing?
    When are you thinking of disappearing??
    WHEN ARE YOU THINKING OF DISAPPEARING???
    WHEN ARE YOU THINKING OF DISAPPEARING????

March 1, 2004

  • *jumps on the tabletop and dances about in circles*


    Oh, you can make your movies fly, you can suck the Oscars dry!
    And you’ll never find statues so gold, as the ones PJ and the producers hold!

    *dance-stomp-dance-stomp*

    You can watch your epic films, you can keep ‘em for the action
    But the only sure for Best Picture…
    COMES FROM PETER JACKSON!!!!!!!


    I defy anybody who hates LOTR to try and spoil our evening. 11 awards out of 11 nominations…nope, not too shabby at all. This will be a movie long remembered!!! Peter Jackson must be on Cloud Nine by now, I say. With as much flak as he’s taken for not following the books to the very contours and fibers of every square millimeter of each page, directing those movies must have been a nearly thankless job for him. And yet, seven years of busting his back to create this surging epic for us has at last paid off. I’m happy as a clam for him, receiving the two highest honours he possibly can. The only thing missing was a Best Supporting Actor for Sean Astin, but, ah well…I guess we can’t have everything. Would’ve been an added treat, though.


    You know what’s funny, though? When I got home from church yesterday, my mom had a Parade magazine in her hand – yep, the same, the one with that huge and hair-splitting close-up of Viggo Mortensen on the cover. “Who does he remind you of?” she asks. “A couple dozen different movie characters, foremost Aragorn and the weapons officer from ‘Crimson Tide,’” I reply facetiously. If my mom’s trying to yank my chain, she’s not getting away with it.


    Yep, she’s trying to yank my chain.


    She proceeded to describe how and why she thinks I look like Viggo Mortensen.


    Maybe I do – maybe his face is a little narrower and he has more hair, and maybe my chin isn’t split down the middle. But only maybe. My mom, however, is quite content in the unsubstantiable belief that I’m the dead-spitting image of No-Ego Viggo.


    When is she going to give it a rest?


    Suddenly I have another reason to look forward to this weekend. I’m Boston-bound on Saturday to hang out with Roseanna, and it doth purport to be a stellar afternoon. Meanwhile, I’m going to hold out on the parental units as long as I possibly can. Mwaha…

February 28, 2004

  • …all the more potent now, for he is driven by inspiration from Balroggie.


    (Please take heed: In this entry, I am not, repeat, not bashing all girls who are fans of Legolas. I am just poking fun at the ones who are so googly over him as to post incoherent [and often illegible] sentences, sentence fragments, “stories,” etc. with the singular purpose of gushing over him. )


    ARDA ONLINE, PART 5: The Bridge of Convo Doom


    DurinsBane2187: question for ya


    RingKing2000: yeah?


    DurinsBane2187: that elvish pretty boy who’s with the fellowship…


    DurinsBane2187: does he still have a mile-long train of fangirls undulating after him??


    RingKing2000: hehe, yeah…you should see ‘em


    RingKing2000: they all squeal and jump and screech whenever he turns around and smirks at gimli


    DurinsBane2187: oy vay


    DurinsBane2187: can’t wait till they get here…I’m hungry


    RingKing2000: what, those dwarves didn’t dig up enough bituminous coal to give you three squares a day??


    DurinsBane2187: nah…I’m on an anthracite diet…more protein


    RingKing2000: oh that’s right, balrogs gain too much weight on bituminous


    DurinsBane2187: *SMACK*


    RingKing2000: hey what was that for?!


    DurinsBane2187: I thought you of all people would remember to capitalise “Balrog”, for Eru’s sake!!!!


    DurinsBane2187: NOBODY remembers the capital B these days!!!!


    RingKing2000: well for cryin’ out loud give me a break


    RingKing2000: i told you the witch-king of angmar is typing for me, and he never uses caps


    DurinsBane2187: well tell him I’ll deluge him with fangirls if he doesn’t watch what he’s doing


    RingKing2000: hmm, that’ll throw a little scare into him…right now they’re all falling over each other and rolling down caradhras in their haste to catch up with their precious leggy-boy


    DurinsBane2187: ick


    DurinsBane2187: at least they’ll be refrigerated by the time they get here


    RingKing2000: nah not with legolas ahead of them…they’ll get even more hot-blooded than you trying to lay a finger on him


    DurinsBane2187: true dat


    DurinsBane2187: “oh, if I only had a brain…”


    RingKing2000: lol


    RingKing2000: you should’ve seen them leaving rivendell, i never saw such poor camouflage in both my lives


    DurinsBane2187: so why didn’t Legolas try to get away if he knew they were there??


    RingKing2000: well that’s the killer


    RingKing2000: he’s having the time of his life getting all the attention…his ego is bigger than his hair


    DurinsBane2187: LOL


    RingKing2000: hmmm…looks like they’re camping below caradhras right now


    DurinsBane2187: can you see what those airheads are no doubt scribbling in heart-shaped bubble letters on pink flowery paper?


    RingKing2000: *squints*


    RingKing2000: looks like the fellowship are all off in their own corners keeping their diaries very secret from each other…legolas is gushing on about how pretty he is


    RingKing2000: and so are the fangirls


    DurinsBane2187: oh geez


    DurinsBane2187: I can see it all now… “omg OMG lEgOlAs iz sOoOoO hOtt!!!1!!!!11!1! i wanna laso him n pull him itno my WaItiN n LuViN armz!!11!1!!!1!!1!”


    RingKing2000: you’re scaring me


    DurinsBane2187: sorry


    RingKing2000: but you’re absolutely right


    DurinsBane2187: course I’m absolutely right…Balrogs are never wrong


    RingKing2000: haha


    DurinsBane2187: so how about Sir Still-Not-King?


    RingKing2000: he’s writing about that insane redhead who stalked him from weathertop to rivendell while he tries to come up with a creative stubble update


    DurinsBane2187: hmm…better watch my step…got a feeling she’ll blow up my den if I hurt him


    RingKing2000: yeah…ok get ready, they’re moving again


    DurinsBane2187: k…orcs are enjoying a little drunken revelry before the fellowship shows up


    RingKing2000: tell ‘em to enjoy it while they got it


    DurinsBane2187: why, they liable to be chased away by hosts of screeching fangirls??


    RingKing2000: hey with the number and voice pitch…ya never know


    DurinsBane2187: ugh


    DurinsBane2187: I’ll warn ‘em


    RingKing2000: k


    DurinsBane2187: couldn’t Saruman at least throw a few tricks at them just to lower their voices???


    RingKing2000: he tried, there’s too many of them


    RingKing2000: you’re the only one who stands between middle earth and the fangirls


    DurinsBane2187:*sigh* ok…so let’s define our priorities here, do you want me to stop the fangirls or the fellowship?


    RingKing2000: oh sorry


    RingKing2000: fellowship has priority, fangirls are a peripheral goal


    DurinsBane2187: gotcha


    RingKing2000: at least burn their godawful fanfic so it doesn’t numb any more minds


    DurinsBane2187: happy to oblige


    DurinsBane2187: oop, the watcher in the water is getting antsy…says a big hairy foot just stunk up his pool


    RingKing2000: sounds like they’re there


    RingKing2000: i’m gonna let you go


    DurinsBane2187: kthx


    RingKing2000: good luck…get one of the orcs to keep a fangirl score


    DurinsBane2187: will do


    RingKing2000: bye


    RingKing2000 signed off at 12:51:28 PM.