June 16, 2005

  • Another mess of a stone train
    to-day. This time there wasn’t enough red stone to go around, so I
    wound up waiting three extra hours while several truckers ran off to
    another quarry to get some uglicky volcanic-grade timberlite…nasty
    stuff to work with. Needless to say, I timed out again.

    But how can you complain too hard after your first time running a
    200-ton diesel locomotive over the entire length of the railroad???

    I sure couldn’t. If ever there was a time when I could experience exhilaration and trepidation simultaneously, that was it.


June 11, 2005

  • “I’ve been working on the railroad all the live-long day.”

    Well, according to the Federal Hours of Service Act, “all the live-long
    day” is twelve hours, not to be exceeded except in extreme
    circumstances. Guess who almost did?

    Yep, nine hours loading a stone train and the other three conducting a
    switch job. Ideally, it’s supposed to take no longer than an hour to
    load each hopper car – that is, unless the dipshit at the trucking
    company didn’t furnish a driver with paperwork and sent him on his way
    as such. Try as I might to keep the cars within their weight limit, I
    can’t accept the load unless I’ve got the paperwork, sooo….this poor
    guy had to sit in his truck at the loading site and wait for one of his
    cohorts to bring his paperwork down to him. On a Friday. In
    eighty-degree weather plus humidity.

    Amazing how one random act of idiocy can throw the entire world off
    schedule, isn’t it? The guy had to deliver three more loads afterward,
    and with the quarry over an hour away, that means he didn’t deliver his
    last one until 3:00. (Those of you wondering, we typically start stone
    trains at 5:30 AM.) On top of that, I usually have to wait an hour or
    two between arrivals with nothing to do but listen to the exhaust
    quietly popping unto the heavens from the locomotive – okay, so I
    worked a little bit on my latest Star Wars fanfic, so it could’ve been
    worse. Still, when the cars are supposed to be loaded in six
    hours and it takes nine, try to imagine all the fun you can have (or
    lack thereof) while you’re waiting. I’ve been working on the railroad
    just to pass the time away, but that’s a hell of a way to do it.

    In the meantime, we’ve got three loaded tank cars, one of which is a
    haz-mat, and two covered hoppers awaiting us on the interchange and
    we’re already pushing the envelope. They’ve already been sitting there
    for two days, ever since the shit hit the fan on Thursday and I had to
    go out to run the passenger trains instead of the freight. By the time
    we reach the interchange…nope, not a chance. Have to tie down the
    hoppers, shove the rest of the loads up on the industrial siding and
    then go replace one car at a petroleum plant, which itself never takes
    less than 45 minutes. Since the lady who supervises rail shipments at
    said plant doesn’t know her ass from her elbow, I seriously expect at
    least one car to be still connected to the dispenser after she
    desperately wailed for us to pull out the empty one. Ah, but Fortune is
    smiling upon us, and we get that empty down to the interchange and
    return the engine to its siding with ten minutes to spare.

    Gotta say, though, I vastly prefer a twelve-hour limit to the fourteen
    or fifteen that I was typically on the clock at my last job. I swear,
    some driving jobs will push you to illegal limits if there’s a
    snowball’s chance in hell that they can. Some railroads probably do,
    too – can’t say with certainty that CSX would have told me to suck it
    up if I was about to exceed twelve hours, but if the shoe fits, they
    will never shed “Crash Spill Xplode.” I’ve told more than one FRA guy
    that I’ll stick with my short line, thank you very much. Dinah, blow
    your horn…

May 13, 2005

  • This one is for you, it goes on and on and on

    When nothing seems to do, for when the doubtless and the wrong

    Ask, “Can I help you?” in that way that says, “I can’t”

    Or claim we’re all the same, just inconsistent



    Can’t all understanding turn out to be pretend?

    Or pretend the pretense of understanding

    How long does it take? Depends

    You can cast your doubts, turn ‘em inside out, hang ‘em upside down



    Till their art falls out (short answer’s forty-eight hours)

    Let your heart all out (short answer’s forty-eight hours)

    Till your art falls out (short answer’s forty-eight hours)

    Let your heart all out (short answer’s forty-eight hours)

    Summon up your power…



    If you need a good connection for drugs, or a strong tolerance for alcohol

    Too little religious education, some pain threshold

    If on the outside there’s no demand for what you do

    And inside there’s an army waiting for their marching orders from you



    Come sit on my swing seat, come sit on my porch

    After ten at night, smoke your cigarettes if you like, of course

    You can cast your doubts, turn ‘em inside out, hang ‘em upside down



    Till their art falls out (short answer’s forty-eight hours)

    Let your heart all out (short answer’s forty-eight hours)

    Till your art falls out (short answer’s forty-eight hours)

    Let your heart all out (short answer’s forty-eight hours)

    Summon up your power…it goes on and on and on



    If we ever get home, let’s don’t compare

    All our relinquished holidays, all our drive-in premieres

    If we ever get home, gonna have me three children

    Apple, Zippo and Metronome, that’s what I’m gonna name them



    The celebrity skin, the illusion of tough

    Gonna talk about nothing, till nothing’s enough

    If we ever get home, and the subject comes up

    War isn’t for children, war is nothing’s enough



    Or the clouds of blood at the end of “Jaws”

    In the misted cars honking their applause

    At the drive-in double feature, at the heart of dark enough

    Or it’s “Jaws” and “The Dark Canuck”

    Should we stay for “The Dark Canuck”?

    Everyone hands up

    Who’s for “The Dark Canuck”?



    I think we’ve relinquished enough

    And it’s still dark enough

    It goes on and on and on…

    And on, and on. I hadn’t even been at work for an hour today, aaaand:

    • My boss tore into me for not having my brakeman do any of the work.
    • I screwed up on the initial brake test and got docked by the engineer.
    • While trying to spot the train at the station, I overshot the platform no fewer than three times.
    • As always, I was the only
      member of the train crew to be completely overlooked by a film crew
      that was shooting a TV spot about us.

    And at the end of the day, the boss
    tore into me again for taking too long to do the freight paperwork,
    shortly after which I got cut off in the parking lot by some arrogant
    bastard who went postal when I honked at him.

    Same shit, different day.

    And a special run tomorrow only promises more of it. I don’t even know why I try.

  • “C’MON!!! LET’S GO!! GET A MOVE ON, LET’S GET THIS STEAM LOCOMOTIVE FIRED UP!!!”
     
    “DONE YET??…..DONE YET??……DONE YET??……..DONE YET??………..DONE YET??………….”

    “What? You haven’t seen it? I haven’t seen it! Didja check the
    workbench? What about the shelves? Isn’t it there? I don’t know where
    it is! Look in the tool crib! It should be there! Try the rack! Isn’t
    it there? I don’t know where to find it! Don’t you know where to find
    it? See it over there in the tender? Check on the brake stand! Maybe
    it’s there! I don’t know where to look for it! Why don’t you go look
    for it!”

    “Fuggoff….”

    “STYMIE!!!” “JIMMY!!!” “SHINBONE!!!” “POPS!!!!” “JO-JOOO!!!!!”

    Ah, another beautifully depraved day in Ye Olde Locomotive Shoppe…

    I’m glad to be setting my own personal record here – six straight days
    of train ops. Hi ho, hi ho, it’s off to work I go.

May 2, 2005

  • Christos anesti ek nekron, thanato thanaton patisas, ke ti se tis mni masin zoin kalisamenos!!!

    If you need a translation, ask, dammit. Let’s just say there
    are very few times of year when I feel as overjoyed as I do on Easter.
    Although, let’s just say that you can go back and read my Easter
    entries from last year to find out how it’s been going. Once again, the
    spirit was willing but the flesh was weak, and before I realised it,
    Lent was almost completely over. Now I really dread having to answer
    for this to the Man Upstairs whenever I go to see Him.

    I don’t know if it’s just because I was in a new, taxing, and
    indifferent line of work (railroading doesn’t give you a great deal of
    time to focus on prayer) or if I was flat-out unwilling to keep any
    kind of a fast. It’s going to take a long, long time of soul-searching
    to get that answer, and God only knows if I’ll ever get round to that
    either.

    It could have been a lot worse, though. I was able to make it to most
    of the services during Holy Week, although it really, really ticked me
    off when I had to run a freight train on Good Friday and was only able
    to make it to the Lamentations service.
    (Last time I worked on Good Friday, my life truly went to hell in a
    handbasket for a couple of weeks – although I did work of my own
    volition that time.) At the Lamentations service, though…Ruth and I
    paid as much attention as we could to the incantations, but our efforts
    were frustrated, ironically enough, by a lot of our fellow
    parishioners. The sad part of Easter is, most people in the parish only
    come once a year, and that’s when they do it – so to them, it’s social
    hour. And as such, they get together and shake hands and chit-chat when
    the rest of us are trying to focus on what’s going on at the altar. It
    never happened in such volume at my old church, and I find it extremely
    annoying and disappointing.

    Although not quite as badly as Easter vigil…when the church was
    jam-packed for the reading of the Resurrection Gospel, immediately
    after which two-thirds of the congregation piled out and went home. I
    couldn’t believe it. I wanted to stand up and holler to the back of the
    church, “Where the *%$#!! do you people think YOU’RE going?!” Ah well,
    they’ll have their own transgressions to answer for when their time’s
    up. Ruth and I, along with everybody who stayed to the end at 2:00
    A.M., did get the satisfaction of being commended by our priest for
    sticking around for the entire vigil.

    So here I am, typity-typing away with a train going past
    my window every five minutes…ahh, I’m in hog heaven.
    (Interesting coincidence that “hog” is a slang term for locomotive…)
    Poor little steam engine has apparently gotten the crap beaten out of
    it again, though – its tube sheet is leaking like the FBI, so it had to
    stay indoors for the weekend. So much for my qualifying run. *sigh* In
    case anyone’s wondering, what happened was that somebody or other was
    admitting too much cold air to the firebox, causing the heating tubes
    to contract and leak – and that ain’t good. When I was washing out the
    boiler a couple of months ago, the weld lines on those heating tubes
    were fruitful and multiplying. Can’t say I minded getting the whole
    weekend off, though, after the scads of freight we ran this week -
    switch-o-rama on Thursday and stone train on Friday. Just ONCE, I wish
    those truckers would show up with loads of no more than twenty tons, so
    I don’t have to worry about hauling two or three overweight hoppers
    across the trestle.

    Well, if anything happens, at least now we can blame it on Crash Spill
    Xplode. *muwahahaha* I mean, really, what’s one more derailment on
    their pig-tracked safety record? (You should see what they did to our
    LIRR coaches when they brought those up here…)

    “You’re right, it is a hell of a way to run a railroad.” ~ Unknown

April 30, 2005

  • Been a while – a while of busting
    my tuchis on freight and on firing. Not to mention the eat-and-run
    hecticity of Holy Week. Freight all day, church all night, St.
    Christopher never lets me out of his sight! I’ll be back with a more
    extensive update after I’ve caught up on sleep (which will probably be
    some time in mid-to-late May, so be prepared to wait a while). After
    all, I am working on the railroad ALL the live-long day.

March 27, 2005

  • Happy Easter to those of you
    celebrating to-day, and to those of you not celebrating to-day…well,
    either try your best to hold out until May 1, or go find yourself a
    religion.

March 26, 2005

  • There’s a saying amongst locomotive
    mechanics about the difference between diesel engines and steam
    engines. With a diesel, it takes three days to find the problem and
    three minutes to fix it. With a steamer, it takes three minutes to find
    the problem and three days to fix it. This morning, I found out just
    what an industrial-sized grain of truth that is.

    Passengers and train crew alike got the gyp of a lifetime today.

    We had the steam engine out the freaking door – and lo and behold:
    engineer’s injector was busted, safety valves were out of adjustment,
    and water sight glasses were seized up the wazoo. It didn’t take a
    brain surgeon to figure out who made a plumber’s nightmare of the
    valves in the cab (and no, it wasn’t yours truly); so as high as the
    expectations ran for this weekend, I might have known they were going
    to get dumped in the ash pit. It never fails these days. You’ve got
    something to look forward to and SPLAT. How’d that banana peel get
    there?

    All is not lost, though – while my boss and I are dead tired of
    traipsing up and down the line with a diesel engine, at least that
    engine didn’t break down again, and I got to do a couple of runarounds
    this afternoon. Un-for-gettable…if I had any reservations about
    staying here and staying with the job, they were obliterated by that
    first crack of the throttle.

    Curiously enough, running the engine for the first time wasn’t quite as
    exhilarating as I thought it might be. I guess that’s one of the big
    differences between being a railfan and being a railroader – when
    you’re a railfan, excitement runs to an all-time high at the very
    thought of being able to grip that throttle and answer the highball.
    When you’re a railroader, however, the first – and only – thing that’s
    circulating through your synapses is how much machine you’ve got at
    your command, how severe the consequences if you don’t do it by the
    book, and how heavy the responsibility you’re assuming when you release
    that brake. Knowing how to move which lever at which moment is not the
    only knowledge you need to run a train. Does engineering sound exciting
    to you? It sounds responsible – enormously responsible – to me.

March 14, 2005

  • Guess who just got home from his first boiler wash?

    I went in to work this morning expecting to be doing a few small
    tinkerworkings on the track or on the NdeM passenger steamer we’re
    restoring. When what to my wondering ears should accost, but a boiler
    wash and all cleanliness lost! I spent most of the morning lugging a
    1.5-inch fire hose up the side of the engine, squeezing down into the
    boiler through the steam dome (which is a feat in itself for a guy my
    size when trying to get around the throttle valve), and then using
    high-pressure water to clean all the crud out of the interior. And what
    a lot o’ crud there was…This is why Delaware River water would not be
    my first choice for providing steam power. It was lit’rally CAKED on
    the heating tubes, which I just happened to be lying on while trying to
    clean them off, not to mention the sides of the boiler and the firebox
    area. Bit of a tight squeeze, that. On average, it took me five or six
    minutes to get my posterior turned around so I could attack an
    uncleaned area.

    As you can well imagine, I got pretty well soaked cleaning all that crap off the top and the middle.

    After lunch, though? That’s where the fun really began.

    After donning my rain gear, I found myself shoving that same fire hose
    into the washout plugs on the bottom of the engine and removing all the
    crud and gunk and goo that I’d washed down earlier. Anybody who has a
    rain suit, let me clue you in: it does not, I repeat, not do any good
    when you’re washing out the inside of a steam locomotive.
    Uncounted gallons of crummy water came pouring back out of those
    washout plugs – and a fair share of it went straight into my sleeve and
    pooled there, threatening to pour out the wrong end and gush down my
    side like a New Jersey waterfall. (Some of it did…) Not to mention
    the water that accumulated in my boots, threaded its way through my
    hair, and couldn’t seem to quit getting in my eyes from there.

    In case you’re wondering, I’m not getting paid nearly enough for this
    business – but I’ll be a-lookin’ forward to it when the summer sun is
    beating us to death. After all, I’ll be cleaning up my own mess
    from firing almost daily…

    Yeah, that’s the wet side of railroading for you. Thankfully, I’m
    returning to the dry (albeit windy) side later this week, hoping
    against hope that the freight cars we’re supposed to be pulling out
    won’t be hooked up to their ground dispensers this time.
    Wednesday promises to be a blast – up at an ungodly hour, out the door by an ungodlier hour,
    and at work by God knows when to run a lovely big stone train down to the CSX
    interchange. Good ol’ Crash Smash Xplode…can’t wait to see how many
    hopper cars we have to repair when they’re through with ‘em…

February 17, 2005

  • Instructions from the manual
    Could not have been much more plain
    The blues are still required
    The blues are still required again
    Past territorial piss-posts
    Past whispers in the closet

    Past screamin’ from the rooftops
    We live to survive our paradoxes
    We live to survive our paradoxes
    We live to survive our paradoxes

    Men hear of the secret
    They pass in upholstered silence
    They only exist in crisis
    They only exist in silence
    Past territorial piss-posts
    Past whispers in the closet

    Past screamin’ from the rooftops
    We live to survive our paradoxes
    We live to survive our paradoxes
    We live to survive our paradoxes

    **********
    Well, I had my first derailment today.

    Now before you all freak yourselves into a stupor and I have to scrape
    the lot of you off the ceiling with a putty knife, let me clarify this
    one thing for you. No railroader’s career is complete without at least
    one derailment. They happen every day, equipment gets damaged, people
    get hurt, and contents get messed up to the stars. But this car was
    empty, it was not severely damaged (just got a little dislocated from
    one of its trucks), and NO DAMN BODY GOT HURT. Minor incidents like
    these are how we railroaders learn to prevent them from happening again
    with more unfortunate results. Can you all live with that? Good. Thank
    you.

    In case you’re wondering, we were about to pull a few cars out of a
    sidetrack, and were doing a brake check. I radioed the engineer to
    apply brakes – and lo and behold, the train started moving. By the time
    I called for an emergency stop, WHAMMO! The last car had gone
    squeeching off the end of the track. Don’t ask me why he started moving
    the train when I told him to apply brakes, especially since he
    maintains that I told him to move. Anyway, this has happened before -
    and in addition to the consequences stated above, my boss doesn’t
    consider it that big of a deal. Which was a bloody relief, I might
    add…Still, I’m not going to lose sleep over it. Not only do things
    like this happen every day, but it could have been much, much worse. I
    mean, look what happened in California yesterday. I’ve learned
    something from it, and so has the engineer (who, by the way, has been
    doing this for over forty years).

    I knew this was going to happen sooner or later, and granted, I’d have
    preferred it to happen later instead of sooner. But there’s no
    need for a frenetic fuss over it – it’s happened, it’s over, and
    everybody’s moving on (as soon as we get that car back on the rails,
    that is). So relax and have a pickle. There are other great things out
    there that are vastly more worthy of your attention.