It just won’t stop!!!

ARDA ONLINE, PART 8: The Taming of Squee-girls

RingKing2000: how doin’?

DurinsBane2187: man, you don’t wanna be here

RingKing2000: i bet

RingKing2000: btw, i got an email from butch…he wants to know why he hasn’t seen you online lately

DurinsBane2187: pfft

DurinsBane2187: I’m surprised he shut up long enough to get to the point

RingKing2000: yeah come to think of it that email was kinda long

DurinsBane2187: oy, I’m tellin’ ya…we all used to compare him to the Balrog from that godawful animated version

RingKing2000:

RingKing2000: i am sooo gonna sic the nazgul on ralph bakshi one of these days

RingKing2000: that guy belongs in a rubber room

DurinsBane2187: yeah, no kidding…but I’ve got a better idea

RingKing2000: do ya now?

DurinsBane2187: I’ll give you a hint: Pointy-Eared Elvish Princeling

RingKing2000: BWAHA

RingKing2000: wanna jampack that rubber room with fangirls?

DurinsBane2187: you read my mind

RingKing2000: well my gaze pierces cloud, shadow, earth, flesh, and fireballs, remember?

DurinsBane2187: heh, no need when it comes to Butch

DurinsBane2187: horns like a buffalo, skinny wings, not enough fire to fry an egg…he was prolly first to run from Anfauglith

RingKing2000: so i guess i won’t be sending a reply, eh?

DurinsBane2187: well if you do, tell him I’ve got a 60-lb. unix manual and I know how to use it

RingKing2000: lol…that’s gotta hurt

DurinsBane2187: no brain, no pain

RingKing2000: lmao

RingKing2000: speaking of no brain, how’s it coming down there?

DurinsBane2187: ugh…they’re BALLISTIC

DurinsBane2187: with the bridge wrecked, they’re going postal trying to figure out how to get out of the mines and tail after “luvvy-duvvy legsie”

RingKing2000:

DurinsBane2187: the orcs can’t even get near them, they screech too damn loud

RingKing2000: ick, that can’t be fun

DurinsBane2187: must…not…tear down…pillars…

RingKing2000: that bad, huh?

DurinsBane2187: oh man

DurinsBane2187: there’s these two named Heather and Brittany, who spend more time squealing about Legolas’s smirk than they do trying to find a way out

DurinsBane2187: and THEY’RE the most desperate ones

RingKing2000: need some backup? i could send a couple of oliphaunts…

DurinsBane2187: nah, just send a fell beast…they’re scribbling incoherent fanfic faster than I can set it on fire

RingKing2000: you got it

RingKing2000: say how come you never got a new s/n?

DurinsBane2187: oh, never got around to it…thought it might help if the fangirls knew who was after them

DurinsBane2187: besides, “Fangirl’s Bane” sounds too…well…bubbleheaded

RingKing2000: hmm…good point

RingKing2000: hey here’s a thought

DurinsBane2187: shoot

RingKing2000: how about you get one of the orcs to dress up like legolas, drop him down the abyss and let ‘em all plunge after him?

DurinsBane2187: hmmmmmm… *rubs horn* that’s a thought…

RingKing2000: thought you might like that

DurinsBane2187: *covers ears* Brittany and Heather are at it again >_<

RingKing2000: still can’t figure out that all they need to do is dump all their fanfic into the abyss until it reaches floor level, then walk across it??

DurinsBane2187: “omg mabie we cna flie! u kno liek a hUmInBrId! leggy wud sOoOoOo luv grils who cn flie!!11!1!1!!!!!1!” “omg i kno!11!11! i cnat wait 2 see him smiel wen he seez!!1!1!!!” “omg did u see him smiel at teh hobitz??!!?! sQuEeEeEEE he wuz soOoOo prity!!1!!11!!11!!!”

RingKing2000: PLEASE CUT THAT OUT

RingKing2000: witch king says so too, that’s why he’s got the caps lock on!!

DurinsBane2187: ok ok…sheesh

DurinsBane2187: just wanted to give you the picture

RingKing2000: one fell beast comin’ right up, nazgul to boot

DurinsBane2187: cool, thanks

RingKing2000: no prob

DurinsBane2187: ARRRGGHHH! one of ‘em just dropped a whole footlocker of fanfic on my front porch

DurinsBane2187: got a fire to start

RingKing2000: ok…good luck

DurinsBane2187: “good luck” would involve every fangirl in Middle-earth taking a little tumble into Mount Doom

RingKing2000: i’ll see what i can arrange then  

DurinsBane2187: ‘preciate it

RingKing2000: bye

DurinsBane2187: lata

DurinsBane2187 signed off at 1:03:48 PM.

Hmmm. Hmm-hmm. Sounds like things amongst my friends (and their friends) are going downhill at a rate of speed similar to a Six Flags roller coaster. It seems to have been going on for a couple of days, and yet nobody is inclined to let me in on it. Then again, from what molecular information I’ve been able to amass, it sounds like I don’t want to be let in on it; however, if somebody is being hurt, physically or emotionally, DO NOT try to tell me it’s none of my business. At the very least, I’m going to pray. At the very most, frankly, I don’t know what I’ll do, but you’re not all going to destroy yourselves on my watch. Capisce?

What the hell is this?
You said, “It’s art, just fuckin’ mirror it”
Where did we go wrong?
If not here, where do we belong?

In a shot of sun off an airplane far above her
In the glint from a foot-burnished manhole cover
In a light, a shine of one kind or another
In the gleaming eye of a fighter or a lover

Sittin’ here at the Horton’s
So you know this is important
If not here, then where?
If not now, then when?

When a feather’s an immovable force
When stampede’s an obstacle course
When ancient train has hit old transient horse
When we’re a Vancouver divorce

Now we’ve hammered the last spike
And punched the railroad through
Thought there’d be more to say
Thought there’d be more to do

I love your paintings, don’t take your colours away
I’ve grown more fearful of them every day
Swimmin’ up the dark rivers just to discover their source
A source of strange and unrequited remorse
And I found the end of the world, of course
And it’s not the end of the world, of course
It’s just a Vancouver divorce
It’s just a Vancouver divorce

**********

I mean, today didn’t start off too badly. Today didn’t even continue too badly. Today, actually, was the best workday I’ve had in weeks. Field hockey to Boston College – very cool trip. Coach was a lot nicer than I expected, considering that this is a varsity sport; even the players were a good lot, not too rambunctious and not leaving a half ton of trash behind. To top that off, for the first time in a month, D59 didn’t give me any shit for once. Best of all, I even made it to church while the game was going on; church is the last thing I want to miss on Palm Sunday, so I took the subway from BC to MIT and went to an ultra-Greek church only a block from the Red Line. Made it just in time for the Great Entrance – perfect, perfect, perfect. I really didn’t deserve the good fortune of the morning and afternoon.

Now we’re getting into the evening.

Cleaning barely takes me an hour, so nothing can get in the way of my good mood by the time I reach the office. Only there do I see what’s been going on in the midst of all the day’s enjoyable comings and goings. I had three trips this week: yes indeedie, my name was circled on all of ‘em.

One look at the assignment board and all three trips have been reassigned. No explanation given. To top it all off, Joan has thrown away that nice new assignment-board sheet I started for her, because she thinks absolutely nothing at that place can be done properly unless it’s got her own personal penstroke marring the layers. All in all, a wonderful, spiritual day filled with fortune and thankfulness spirals instantaneously down into a harsh pit of bitterness and disgust at being shafted a record four times in one day.

First alert: That does it. I’m through with transit. The condition of the equipment, the average intelligence quotient of the employees, and the complacent ineffectuality of the management have come to a boil that is now splattered and spilled all over their nice clean polished desktops. Now they’ve really done it by inexplicably bouncing me from duties that they themselves assigned. And if they can’t be bothered to explain the bounces, they’ll get no word from me on why I’m calling it quits. Look out, Boston Amtrak office, here I come. As early as tomorrow, if I can help it. Jon, Cassie: if either of you make it to the dispatcher meeting tomorrow, it’s up to you whether you want to tell Mark why I’m not attending.

So how am I feeling right now?

At least my last foreseeable day on the job was without incident.

It’s not over…it will NEVER be over…

ARDA ONLINE, PART 7: The Chat Window on the West

DurinsBane2187: hiya

RingKing2000: WTF?!

DurinsBane2187: using caps all of a sudden, I see

RingKing2000: well the witch king is just as surprised as i am

RingKing2000: saruman imed me and said he saw you go down on celebdil…what gives??

DurinsBane2187: yeah well he needs to see the optometrist

RingKing2000: obviously

DurinsBane2187: Gandalf and I were having a perfectly good snowball fight when he tripped me with his sword, so I took a spill off of Zirakzigil

DurinsBane2187: hey that rhymed

RingKing2000: yeah…you’re a poet and you didn’t know it

DurinsBane2187: hehe

DurinsBane2187: well he’d already cheated about a dozen times, so I just said the hell with it, rolled over and played dead

RingKing2000: good boy

DurinsBane2187:

RingKing2000: actually that’s a good move…easier to get around when everybody thinks you’re dead, let me tell ya…even celeborn’s dragnet couldn’t keep me in mirkwood

RingKing2000: you shouldn’t have a problem crisping one fangirl at a time

DurinsBane2187: aw dude, I can’t wait

RingKing2000: well the fellowship is gellin’ in lothlorien right now, so i’ll let saruman worry about them from here

DurinsBane2187: Lothlorien, are you serious???

RingKing2000: yup…what, you didn’t enjoy the sabbatical we took there in the first age??

DurinsBane2187: dude, Galadriel and her mirror…she used to sit in front of that thing for hours with a dryer over her head and a Cosmopolitan in her lap

RingKing2000: yeah no kidding

DurinsBane2187: she and Legolas must be at each other’s throats to prove who’s prettier by now

RingKing2000: somethin’ like that

DurinsBane2187: so what do you want me to do?

RingKing2000: oh…just ensure galadriel’s survival…if you know of what i speak

DurinsBane2187: HOOOOYEAH

RingKing2000: lol

DurinsBane2187: yeah this’ll be good, esp. if everyone thinks I’m dead

RingKing2000: don’t i know it

DurinsBane2187: just hope Haldir is keeping all the fangirls out of Lorien, it’ll make my job a little easier

RingKing2000: dude i’ll bet you’re lovin’ this

DurinsBane2187: man I didn’t get a chance to tell you last time

DurinsBane2187: I was sleeping off that drunken revelry with the orcs when this platoon of fangirls happened along and woke me up with a fire poker

RingKing2000: man they must’ve had a death wish

DurinsBane2187: damn straight…you just DO NOT wake up a Balrog with a hangover

DurinsBane2187: the first one was like “omg OMG hvae u seen mai leggzy?!!??! hez in here adn i wanna find him n hugz him n ask him 2 mary me bcuz oooommmmgggg he iz sOoOoOo hAwTtTt!11!!11!!1!1!”

RingKing2000: *rolls eye*

DurinsBane2187: sick, huh?

RingKing2000: actually it’s scary that you can do that so well

DurinsBane2187: heh heh

DurinsBane2187: so anyway I showed ‘em who was hot

RingKing2000: ohhh boy…then what?

DurinsBane2187: “omg ur so uggly we jsut wanna leev leggie sum luv!1!1!1!!!11!!”

RingKing2000: ugh, talk about a one-track mind

DurinsBane2187: yeah, “whipped” took on a whole new meaning

RingKing2000: lmao

RingKing2000: you know you might want to get another s/n just to make sure nobody finds out you’re alive

DurinsBane2187: no shit, Sherlock

RingKing2000: constipation, watson?

DurinsBane2187: lol

RingKing2000: well i better get going, gollum’s out leaving a trail of cake crumbs for the ringbearer, so he’ll be here any minute

DurinsBane2187: all right, I gotta go make a new sword since Gandalf broke the old one

RingKing2000: well that’s what you get for making your sword out of cheap sheet metal

DurinsBane2187: meh

RingKing2000: ttyl

DurinsBane2187: later

RingKing2000 signed off at 11:18:30 PM.

There is perhaps one word, in any language or other form of communication, in or out of the OED,  to describe this afternoon and evening:

Blargh.

It’s been raining all blessed day, and see below for the pointed things I’ve had to say about D59′s mechanical condition. Actually, half the fleet has developed problems rendering them inoperable in inclement weather: coolant leaks, broken wipers, shorted-out heaters, the list goes on. But this one really takes the cake. I mean, I’ve had worse trips. I’ve had trips with buses that very nearly fell apart at the seams, I’ve had high-stress trips, I’ve had trips replete with sucky driving and/or weather, and I’ve had trips with ultra-high-maintenance passengers *cough*footballteam*coughcough*.

However, there is nothing quite like getting onto NH-101 and driving west for about two minutes, in rainy weather, your starboard windshield wiper banging deafeningly due to its abnormal stroke, when all of a sudden the aforementioned wiper breaks completely loose and hangs off the side of the windshield.

There was one ironic fortune to be had here: It was raining just heavily enough to coat my starboard windshield in clear rainwater, so my visibility wasn’t affected. Nonetheless, there’s the wiper, just hangin’ loose over the mirror strut. What the HELL is going ON with these G.D. buses?! If this is somebody’s idea of an April Fool’s joke, that somebody must have a truly insane desire to cause injury, death, and destruction of property. Ohh, but little do they know that they’ll be causing their own injury or death if they don’t give it a rest. I like driving D59, always have, but DAYUM, that bus has been a grade-A SHITBOX of late!!!! I had like thirty people, which of course led to London fog on the windshield. Defroster on high. Auxiliary fans on high. Driver’s window wide open. And I still had this irritating Wisconsin-shaped patch of fog on my port-side windshield, needless to say directly in my line of vision.

Blue Birds. Freaking useless contraptions, I say.

So here I am, driving back to UNH on a dark and stormy night, with a shattered driver’s mirror, a busted windshield wiper, a leaky roof, and an inaccurate speedometer, wishing and praying to the Heavenly Father that my boss will get her head out of her ass and acknowledge that this place is going to hell in a handbasket. And THEN, just when I should have expected it, D59′s now-famous faulty temperature gauge kicks in, reading 250 F when it’s probably no more than 190. The only bus that gave me more trouble than this was D55, yes indeedie, the same one whose engine seized after it blew an oil rod. But I’m tellin’ ya, if one more bus shits the bed, I’m going straight to the Amtrak office in Boston to follow up on that job possibility.

To be honest and fair, I can’t place all the blame on management. They can only do so much with what they have – the University of New Hampshire, on the whole, rivals Washington D.C. as a bureaucratic CLUSTERFUCK. It cost what, $176,000+ to inaugurate our new president? Granted that ain’t much when you’re talking about a new coach bus, but it would at least have put a dent in the bill for one.

Kat, your prayers have certainly been answered. Can you begin to imagine how much I appreciate them after a night like this…?

I heart Wildcat Transit.

Ohhh, this is rich.

Last Thursday? Heavy rain and fog. Last Friday? Very fine, misty drizzle. Today? Moderate rainfall. Now, what else do all these days have in common? I have had to do very long trips with high-maintenance passengers on all three days…

…in DEE FIFTY NINE. Whose right windshield wiper is STILL busted.

Oh, hi, Murphy, how are you? That’s good. Listen, what did you do with my map of Manchester? Whazzat? You don’t say!

Assuming I survive this trip, look for a new entry of Arda Online later tonight. Film at eleven.

You did the best that you could do

You were a great crew

Who tried to nurture 
And preserve your faith in you

And with the bureau chiefs

And the shrugging spies

You could stay, but why?

You see a light and then another

And everything you fought for naught’s uncovered

You’re not a fighter you’re a lover

You’ve got no business in here, brother

So stay

Stay
Is it the worst that you could do?

You were a great you

Who tried to nurture 
And preserve your faith in you

And with the bureau chiefs

And the shrugging spies

You could stay, and why?


‘Cause you see a light and then another

Everything you thought you sought’s uncovered

You’re a fighter and a lover

And there’s no one up above her

So stay

Stay

All things being balanced

It’s balanced and called balancing

Somewhere beyond everything its being

Balanced not for the sake of balance 
But balancing between

The throes of learning and the entire thing

Entirely balancing, balancing

**********

Well, I must be bouncing about my hopes that everybody’s doing all right as of late. 
Sketchy-sounding entries are popping up in ever-increasing numbers here, gang. 
Whatever your quandary be, if you feel like talking about it, talk away. I’m here. 

Heh. This one was snickerworthy…

Your ideal Middle-Earth parents are Faramir and
Eowyn! Do you have any idea ho difficult it is
to find pictures of your mom and dad together?
Thats because Faramir usually holds the camera.
Anywho, they are the prince and princess of
Ithilien, which will naturally give you some
sort of impressive title. Your uncle omer is
the king of Rohan, so when you were little you
actually got that pony you asked for. And a
beautiful Mustang on your sixteenth birthday,
too! Considering who your parents are, youll
probably be tall and attractive. Your Middle-Earth mama is Lady Eowyn of Rohan.
Shes one of the coolest women in the history of
ever! She faced down the Witch-King of Angmar
and his fell beast for her uncle, so you know
she will do just about anything to protect you.
She will probably teach you to ride a horse and
use a sword and spear properly, not to mention
letting you visit your uncle Eomer and aunt
Lothiriel all the time. Your Middle-Earth dad is Faramir of Gondor. He has
a lot of official duties, but when he is
finished for the day hel will spend quality
time with his family. Faramir is very
intelligent, so he can help you with your
homework. If you are rambunctious it will
probably remind him of his brother Boromir, so
he lets you get away with an awful lot. Word
of advice: don not mention your grandfather
Denethor. Your dad doesnt want to talk about
him. Also, insanity runs in your family.
(Maybe you will get lucky) I hoped you liked my quiz. Please rate it, okay?

Which Lord of the Rings couple would be your dream parents? Pictures and longish answers.
brought to you by Quizilla

Now that that’s out of the way, I heart NY!!

Although, to think I was wishing that these business-school blokes would schedule their departure AROUND the rush hours instead of DURING them… *blick* Eh, maybe not. I mean, if they’d pushed it back by three hours, I would have beaten the Connecticut rushes, gotten them into Manhattan by 1:30, and returned to UNH by 8 pm (and also wouldn’t have gotten cornered by you-know-who later that night, but I digress). If they’d pushed it back by six hours – which wouldn’t even have been necessary – I might very well have encountered that exploding tanker truck on I-95 in Bridgeport, and wouldn’t THAT have been a bloody mess…But anyway. At least Hartford has a bus lane, which is more than you can say for New Haven and the Bridgeport area. As it was, we lost about an hour and a half sitting in traffic down there.

Ahhh, but, New York, New York!!

I still love that city despite the unimaginable volumes of traffic. I’ve never seen it that bad, but I’ll still take NYC driving over Boston driving any day of the year…How I wish I could’ve just gelled in Times Square or lower Manhattan for an hour or so, but I was pushing the legal time limits. As it was, I made it back to UNH at 5:30 – just under the 11-hour wire!! *whew* Yeah, I’ll do a solo trip to the Big Apple any day, too.

Well, this is a considerably more brain-picking personality test…here’s teh linkidge…http://www.xanga.com/item.aspx?user=When_lt_Rains&tab=weblogs&uid=73410293

JUNE
:
Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

Rules of engagement are apparently to go through it, strike through everything that does not apply to you, and then embolden six things with which you most closely relate. Rest of it is just gravy.

Well, I was due later in June…

Angst on the planks, spittin’ from a bridge
Just to see how far down it really is
Robbin’ a bank, jumpin’ on a train
Old antiques a man alone can entertain
It takes all your power to prove that you don’t care
I’m not Cordelia, I’ll not be there
I’ll not be there, I’ll not be there

Tin can man, draggin’ from a car
Just to see how alive you really are
Marryin’ words, fallin’ in your wake
Just to prove what you can’t eliminate
It takes all your power to prove that you don’t care
I’m not Cordelia, I’ll not be there

Treadin’ the boards, screamin’ out Macbeth
Just to see how much bad luck you really get
Jump in the ring with your hidden cape
The bull can’t decide what it is that he really hates
It takes all your power to prove that you don’t care
I’m not Cordelia, I’ll not be there
I’ll not be there, I’ll not be there

Angst on the planks, spittin’ from a bridge
Just to see how far down it really is
Robbin’ a bank, jumpin’ on a train
Old antiques a man alone can entertain
It takes all your power to prove that you don’t care
I’m not Cordelia, I’ll not be there
I’ll not be there, I’ll not be there

Thief lingers on, on his hands and knees
Must be one more thing here he really needs
Dyin’ in your dreams, fallin’ on your knife
A thief blinded on the job has to steal for life
It takes all your power to prove that you don’t care
I’m not Cordelia, I’ll not be there
I’ll not be there
I’ll not be there, I’ll not be there

**********

Well, I was going to inscribe a greatwallofchina entry on to-day’s trip and how much I heart New York City. However, things change, sometimes right when you’re in the throes of a blissful working environment.

NYC entry will have to wait till tomorrow. For there I was, cleaning up after the return to UNH, when I saw the garage door undulate open to import one sight I wished I would never have to see again.

Jenny. Waiting at the door of the bus for me to dip the mop in the bucket again.

When I couldn’t stave it off any longer, I went up to dip, and asked her what was up. “One question,” she replied quietly. “Do you hate me?”

Greatwallofchina pause.

“I wish I could answer that tactfully.”

“Don’t worry about being tactful.”

Oh, Jenny, if only you knew how much I hate your self-centered guts for all the hurting you’ve caused. How sorely I have wanted to inflict physical pain on you equal to the emotional pain you’ve inflicted on me. What the hell do you think I’m going to say, that I want to throw myself at you, bursting with newfound affection and endearment, opening myself up to more cardial destruction?

And how I wished I had the heart to say that out loud.

“Well, I don’t think you can imagine just how much I’ve been hurting these last several months. I don’t know how to feel. Hate is not a Christian emotion, and I have tried so very hard to let go of it for that reason, but there’s just too much bitterness. So the hatred has simply given way to indifference.”

And it’s because I’m trying to be decent, a damn sight more decent than you ever were, that I’m not telling you how I really, really feel. I don’t give a shit what you thought, I loved you, I did. All you gave back was grief.

Oh, did I have a carrierlong list of grievances that I wanted to spew at her, if only I could have come up with the words then and there.

“I think it would be best if we just do not associate from now on.” That we don’t try to pretend we’re still friends when it took you all of fifteen seconds to blow that off, then keep me thrashing about in your false friendship like some kind of lavalorn flounder. ”That we just leave each other alone.”

“Well, I can understand how you feel.”

“Do you?”

“Yeah. Because I had this huge crush on this kid for ten years of my life, and then one day he just came out and told me he liked another girl. My whole life fell apart.”

So you decided that you couldn’t rest until you did the same thing to somebody else, is that it?

“Then I guess we understand each other.”

“Yes. We do.”

And away she walked.

Don’t even look back.

And why, pray tell, did you wait until now to let me in on this? You know how hard it is for me to believe that when you’ve withheld it all this time? But it doesn’t matter. Our so-called friendship is forsaken. You know where I stand, now you can just stay the hell away from me.

Keith and I had a good long talk about it later. That man is a great listener, thank heavens. Doesn’t miss a trick – we discussed this at great length, and neither of us could fathom what she perceived as wrong with my first and only attempt at courtship. I had to consider his point: does she really, truly care how I feel, or is she just concerned about how she’ll look to the rest of the gang now?

I sure wish he’d asked. I don’t know what stopped him.

Jenny, if you’re reading this, and I have very little doubt that you are, there’s everything that was said and everything that could have been said, if only I could have thought of the words on the spot. But we seem to have an accord: it’s over. You enjoy Jim’s company, and I will remain alone for the rest of my days. But don’t worry, I’ve learned to live with it. And don’t come crying to me if he ever jumps the fence into a greener pasture.

Well, gang, leave some love. Some thoughts, dreams, wishes, hopes – all I ask of you, something to help take my mind off of this. Off of her. For good.

Unravel me
A distant cord on the outside is forgotten
A constant need to get along
And the animal awakens
And all I feel is black and white

The road is long
The memory slides to the whole of my undoing
Put aside, I put away
I push it back to get through each day
And all I feel is black and white
And I’m wound up small and tight
And I don’t know who I am

Everybody loves you when you’re easy
Everybody hates when you’re a bore
Everyone is waiting for your entrance so
Don’t disappoint them

Unravel me
Untie this cord, the very centre of our union
Is caving in, I can’t endure
I am the archive of our failure
And all I feel is black and white
And I’m wound up small and tight
And I don’t know who I am

Everybody loves you when you’re easy
Everybody hates when you’re a bore
Everyone is waiting for your entrance so
Don’t disappoint them

Everybody loves you when you’re easy so
Don’t disappoint them
Don’t disappoint them

**********

What do you see when you look in the mirror? Better yet, just how MUCH do you see when you look in the mirror and see your own shifting eyes gazing hauntingly back at you?

Do you see a good person? A bad one? A terrible one? A nice one? A rotten one? A person who is not a person at all?

Do you see a strong body plagued by a weak mind? Do you see someone who is virtually impotent but nonetheless a cut above the rest?

Do you see an honest person or a traitor? Do you see someone who is satisfied and pleased? Someone who is confounded and frustrated?

Is it confidence or is it the capital of insecurity?

Do you see someone to be a friend with instead of an enemy?

An enemy instead of a friend?

Do you see a person who has committed so many moral and intellectual infractions that it’s leaving crackage in the skull?

Do you see an embarrassment? A blessing?

Diligence? Laziness? Caring? Apathy?

How about someone who is up to their ears in fortune? Or someone who is deep down in the dumps?

Do you see a loveless, lonesome individual who longs to be had and held?

Do you see a hateful and untrusting creature with a heart of steel?

What about a loyal friend? What about a two-faced ball-dropper?

Are you happy with what you see in the mirror?

Or are you frustrated and angry with what you see in the mirror?

Do you wonder what it is you’re seeing and what that something is supposed to be in life?

You see, gang, it isn’t that we don’t know who we are or what we’re meant to do. It’s that we’re countless dozens of different things all rolled into one being. There comes a time in all our lives when we recognise each of these things one at a time and take a good long look in the mirror, whether literally or figuratively, hoping to identify them. Then there is but one matter left: lay all these things, all these brightflashycoloured globs of clay out on the counter and put them under the rolling pin. Mash them all together. Integrate them. Shape them. Make them fit.

Who am I to say all this to you?

No one, really. Just a simple living tumbleweed drifting along the respiring highway, who has looked into the mirror well in excess of 27,000 times along the way, and seen every one of those things at one time or another. Who just wants to share the thought with you amongst other things, however morbid or evocative or repulsive or insightful, however you want to look at it.

It’s all you.