February 9, 2004
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Guys…
Honestly. I can’t comprehend what the hell is going on here. I can’t say yet that I’m sorry for the other night – none of you can possibly know just how long I’ve been living with this. I’m just so damned sick of being alone, full of bitterness and hate that I can’t rein in. I’d half hoped that this misery would end with adulthood; but now it feels like I’m in second grade again, being spited and ignored, and summarily pointed and laughed at by those who don’t understand and don’t want to. “Do unto others” indeed. I sure as hell haven’t done anything to warrant all this.
I don’t care how dramatic you think this sounds – you don’t know what I’ve had to put up with for eighteen bleedin’ years.
The world is ruthlessly cruel, the people who live in it are worse. That’s not to say that I can’t handle them, but something’s gotta give. Somebody out there has at least got to pretend that they’ve got a heart, that they’re capable of thinking about somebody else’s life. All I’ve ever cared about is other people and their well-being. Yet, to quote the Brothers Karamazov, everything passes and only truth remains; and long ago, it became plain that the truth is as cold and hard as the Arctic ice. Honestly, I don’t want to turn out that way, but if there’s no let-up, there will be little to no alternative for survival.
Comments (3)
Sorry you’re learning this so soon in life (that people care about nothing but themselves when it’s boiled down). May you hold onto your hope and change things.
I’m sorry you’re going through a rough time at the moment – I’ve been dealing with some difficult stuff recently as well. If you want to talk, I’m always here.
doesn’t sound dramatic to me, sounds like life. and true, no one can possibly understand the depth and extent of another’s troubles and/or burdens, but we can say that we HOPE things turn out all right, because like you, I too care and have compassion for others, no matter how far away, if i know them personally or not. peace be with you, bye.
~M~