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BLAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!

Thought I’d never get my ass back here! Phsheesh…See, this is what happens when you go on week-long charters, only to come home and find out that your computer is too old to be upgraded so you have to go traipsing out to find a new one. Which is exactly what I spent the whole friggin’ weekend doing, and all of Monday setting the new computer up and trying to transfer data from the old one. Eventually just wound up E-mailing all important files to myself and downloading them one at a time. Wouldn’tcha know I’m not even close to getting done.

Well, anyway, I promised you a blow-by-blow of last week’s tour:

Monday – First stop was UMass Amherst. I hate I-495. I hate I-495. I hate I-495. Barring downtown Boston and Rt. 128, it is the worst concentration of Mass-holes to be found anywhere in the country. I’ve got half a mind to tear it up with my bare hands one of these days. *sigh* And crappy weather to boot…mixed precipitation around 20 degrees F…To top it all off, the bus’s right windshield wiper was suffering from a longer stroke than normal, meaning that the wiper arm would bang noisily against the windshield on its way out. When it gets loud enough to make your ears ring, you know it’s gone way past irritation point. Ah, but what am I complaining about? MY ALTERNATOR WENT OUT at the first stop! Tried to start the bus and all I got was a grinding noise, meaning the group had to take cars to their next stop while I called a service center and got the spare alternator put in. Thank God there was one or we would’ve been up shit’s creek, I tell ya. Sooo…despite iffy readings on the voltmeter for the rest of the day, there were no further problems for the rest of the week. Overnight in Pittsfield, MA. Miraculously, I found a place to plug in the bus’s engine block at the hotel; did so just in time to pig out on Law & Order reruns for the rest of the evening. So, crappy day though it was, the ending was quite satisfying!

Tuesday – Chock blocks were frozen to the ground, so after I’d started the bus, I had to move it back and forth to break the blocks loose from the pavement. Fancy that, eh? On we ventured into the beautifully wintergreen hinterlands of upstate New York. Specifically, the Blue Seal mill in Chatham. Weather was beautiful…up to a point. And it reached that point while I was almost getting lost on the back roads on the way to the next stop. Can somebody PLEASE ask the state of New York to differentiate County Route 9 from State Route 9? *sigh* Well, we found the place on schedule, so despite the infinite stench of cow pies, all was well. UNTIL we tried to find foodage. Can somebody PLEASE ask the state of New York to think with one stomach? It was two hours before we found a McD’s. MCD’S!!! The most loathsome fast-food joint ever conceived, and it was the ONLY place we could find to eat!!! Some of my co-workers love to scare fast-food-joint employees by driving a 40-ft bus in there, but I digress. Rt. 23 over the Catskill Mountains…and the worst snow I’ve ever seen in my entire life. Talk about your whiteouts – it was a SOLID WALL of WHITE STUFF. Couldn’t even see my hand in front of my face, literally. And I couldn’t pull over, either, ‘cuz there was no safe place to do so – had to watch the grass at the edge of the road to alert me to the curves. Thank God for D59, only bus in the whole fleet that’s heavy enough to keep its traction in that weather. Sooo…about fifteen hair-raising minutes brought us into Stamford, NY, where we spent a couple of hours in a butt-cold wind on the top of a mountain before continuing on to Cobleskill. There awaited our evening’s lodging: a ritzy Best Western complete with pool (which was friggin’ CLOSED) and a restaurant. Couldn’t complain about 1) getting a second-floor room right above the bus, or 2) getting to pig out on Law & Order again.

I must have to commend drivers in upstate New York on their decency. Far cry from the Boston area. Hell, even New York City driving is better than Boston and I kid you not.

Wednesday – So friggin’ cold that it was a rough start, even with the engine block plugged in. BRRR! Luckily our first stop was only five minutes away, ample time to get it warmed up and keep it that way. Going up I-88 toward Albany gave us beautifillimous weather, although, as usual, it was back to clouds ‘n’ wind by day’s end. One student was sick – we almost had to leave him behind, but he took some rest for the first hour, enough to keep him going. And so, our first stop, a huge commercial dairy farm, was bright on all fronts until we had to depart behind this speed demon of a guide driver who almost lost me three times. Yay fun…do all dairy farmers take a half hour to finish lecturing? Ah well, at least nothing else of negative note happened for the rest of the day. Pool time at the hotel, another fancy-shmancy Best Western, was once again a bust. At least I had (drumroll, please) more L&O reruns to compensate.

Thursday – I wound up having to plug the bus in by running the cord through a doorway and into a wall outlet. Yeesh…At least it worked and at least I was able to get it all nice ‘n’ warm by refueling first thing in the morning. Count your blessings, gang, because even though I paid $142 for the fuel, you may very well be paying that much if gas prices keep doing what they’re doing. We seemed destined to have beautiful mornings on this trip, only to have them ruined by big ugly clouds rolling down from the north within an hour. *sigh* On plus side, NO MCD’S!!!! We went to a rustic little diner on Rt. 67 instead, and for once we lunched on schedule, instead of 2:30 in the afternoon. Lovely place, not terribly pricey, I might add. Always a good thing…Next stop was an organic farm. Had a suspicious name, though I’m not going to mention why. Best of all, we were at our hotel two hours early, giving all of us two hours to knock off and, in my case, go over the cash receipts thus far. I’m tellin’ ya, that old bat down there in the transportation business office needs to take a serious chill pill. You can double, triple, and quadruple-check your receipts only to get them thrown back atcha with a nasty note saying that they’re short. I swear, she’s so determined to find fault that she’ll manufacture it. Aaaaanyway…another nice fancy dinner at a very cool (if bankbreaking) restaurant in Bennington, VT. Must’ve begun life as a hunting lodge – beautiful decor and quantities of food that would put Henry VIII to sleep. Only potential hangup was a railroad bridge 12 feet off the ground. Boy, was I holding my breath going under that thing.

Friday – ahhh, last day…Coldest day, roughest start! It was like three degrees all morning, and the exhaust was pure smoke for the same period of time. That your idea of fun? Gooooood, because our next stop was the top of another mountain. I must’ve spent about a half hour trying to get myself turned around without getting stuck in the snow – yech. White stuff…But, we made it, and with no precipitation to worry about…boy, did I rip ass back home! 5:30 return time. There were two bus cleaners at the garage waiting to help me clean up, but they only furthered the proof that if you want something done, you’ve got to do it yourself. I’ll probably have to go back over the whole bus again later this week.

So, I’m home and bloody happy – now, what’ve you all been up to? Wait, don’t tell me…lemme go read and reply to some blogs here!